Some of you so sweetly asked, quite a while back, about my health issues. I hesitated to write about them because it feels too much like one more visit to the doctor's office:
"Here are my symptoms, medications, food allergies, blah, blah, blah..."
Boring! And, poor you, having to hear all of that!
Yet, I am constantly on the prowl for blogs written by people who I can relate to. This isn't easy, because what I deal with isn't exactly mainstream. Not by a long shot. Then I thought about others who were doing the same. Sooo...instead of going into all of the details, I'll just tell you what I struggle with the most. I'll leave out the rest because that is way too much drama, even for me.
Top 5 health issues:
Eosinophilic Esophagitis (Also known as EoE or Eos.). I realize that this is a very rare diagnosis, so you can go here for a comprehensive overview of this CRAPPY disease. It was once thought to be a childhood disease, but low and behold...you don't grow out of it. Of course, there are now a bunch of adults who are desperately seeking treatment, with very limited results. Me included.
Gluten free/food allergies.
Migraines and chronic daily headaches.
Constant joint and deep tissue pain. The jury is still out on this one. Some say it's fibromyalgia, but since I have bruising in my ankle joints, it may be arthritis related (I had a doc tell me it might be RA, but that was years ago.). I really need to investigate this further, but I'm sick of seeing doctors, so I'll just wait until I'm limping before I go back in for this issue.
Hashimoto's.
If I could eliminate only one of these things, it would be the EoE. I hate it's guts like it hates mine.
Okay, I'm just going to stop there. If you have any, or all of these medical nightmares, PLEASE know that this is a very safe place to come and share your thoughts/struggles/questions. Heck, rant if you want! Let it all out! I may not have the answers, but I sure have the sympathy. And I'll support you in any way possible. Pinky swear.
(I can already tell this is going to be full of bad grammar/typos/etc. So sorry...blame the migraine.) ;)
Hmmm...what else? Well, I cut waaaaaaaay back on Facebook. I have found that to be unbelievably peaceful and conflicting. Peaceful because...eh, I bet I don't even need to go there. If you have a Facebook account, then I'm sure you already know what I mean. I've been conflicted about what I should and shouldn't post on in my status. I've learned that you really cannot trust very many people with your heart, and you will absolutely be taken the wrong way 75% of the time. You'll be accused of things that never even crossed your mind, or you'll get the preach-down for every "heretical" thing you say (Oh...if they only knew what I really wanted to write...). Here's the conflict: I want to write "it," but I'm not sure if I should. Not just on Facebook, but anywhere. (Um...yeah, I'm probably not going to write it on Facebook.) That is not a safe place. Guard your heart...guard your heart...
Tonight, one of my friends posted this quote, "Evil thrives on apathy and cannot exist without it. If we turn our back on evil, our passivity translates into approval. Silence is consent."
- Sally Armstrong "Veiled Threat
Oh, man! That was pretty convicting, because what I am silent about aren't popular topics in my social circle (for the most part). It's stuff that's going to really tick people off! It's stuff that isn't talked about in mainstream by-the-book Evangelical circles. I mean, dude, there is NO WAY I am going to just hash this out in small group! Not even if your group is "non-judgemental". *wink* The stuff I want to write about will cause me to lose readers. Shoot, I might not even have readers left after the first post! Then I wrestle with my intentions. Am I wanting to write about these things because I want you to know my thoughts, or because I actually feel led to write them? Would I be doing more harm than good? Which path brings God glory? The path where I keep it in, or the one where I throw out thoughts/questions/views/convictions, taking the bullets as they come? Would I have the right attitude to even go there? Ugh. See? This is the stuff my brain is chewing on. It's driving me insane!
Heh...this was supposed to be a simple home school blog. ;)
As far as home schooling goes, I totally blew my cool with my oldest today. I was way too heavy with a lecture about the negative effects of a low test score, when I should have evened it out with a double-scoop of You-Have-Done-a-Great-Job-Overall Mocha Chocolate Almond Fudge.
Hi, I'm a home school mom, and I am far from perfect, pulled together, or using proper grammar. That said, my heart is 100% into my job(s), and I'll keep on keeping on until I completely give out. Not because I have something to prove, but because it's my calling. It's what I love. It's why I get up in the morning. God blessed me with this and I don't plan on letting it go. Messy? Yep. Worth it? Absolutely.
Thanks for letting me free write my thoughts into a massive gluten free word pretzel. Please pass the cheese sauce.
This is kinda how my brain feels right now.
Sorry about the mess.
Cheering you on & checking the fuel gauge,
Layla
Hi, Layla! I only know you from facebook, but we must care about the same sort of things because we have many mutual friends who care about those things. :) I love your honesty here. I don't have health issues nearly to the extent that you do. And I'm no longer a homeschooling mom since I am now a single mom of 4. But I can definitely relate to wondering what, who, when, where, how much to share because I know I will more than likely be shunned by even more Christian friends than I already am as a divorced, single mom (aka second-class Christian ;) ). I believe honesty is our salvation as a people. That statement seemed overly strong when I first wrote it. While it is not our ultimate salvation, it is our salvation from a life of existence--hiding & just struggling to get by on our own while hoping no one ever discovers that we don't really have it all together, versus a life of community--the kind of community we were created for. Hiding is a tool used by the enemy to make us feel alone & keep us alone while honesty does just the opposite. So thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteSorry for rambling. Guess you hit a nerve w/me.
Blessings,
Kim Stewart
Oh, sweet Kim! How I loved hearing from you! <3 You know how much I adore you and wish I could hug your neck. You've always been such a precious friend, which is one of the reasons why I stay on Facebook. For all of the bad on there, there really is a lot of good.
DeleteSingle moms have about the hardest job out there (if not THE hardest), so I hope you know I support you 100%. If there is ever anything I can do for you, please let me know. I cannot imagine how hard it was for you to stop homeschooling, but I do know that God has his hand on you, is loving you, and walking you through the process of figuring out each day. That's why I love our Abba...he connects our hearts.
I agree that honesty is essential for healing and removing the thick coating of Religious slime that has coated our spiritual eyes. My fear is that I'll fall into the "trendy" topics, instead of just keeping it real. As hard as it is to admit, it can be very easy to do that, especially in the blogging community. I want to stay true to the true convictions and wrestlings that are going on inside of me, as well as those "ah-ha" moments. I'd love to share more about how the Holy Spirit has revealed himself in ways that are obviously personal...yet it's very hard to put into words. There are just so many things flying through my heart and head! I never know if I've gone too far, too personal, or done more damage than good. I'm willing to speak out, so long as it furthers the Kingdom and not myself (and I can be pretty selfish). Then again, I don't want the enemy to trick me into a quiet corner.
As far as being shunned, I'm okay with that. Not okay that religion causes people to shun (sometimes), but I am ok with letting people go if they feel the need to. Meaning, I'm not going to lose sleep over it. What actually hits me harder are the ones who continually want to beat the same worn out, taken out of context, Bible verses over my head. Trust me, I was raised in that...I know the "talk". That kind of talk brought bondage. Jesus didn't come to bring us bondage!!!
"Honesty is our salvation as a people."
YES! Well said! As a Christian people, we have got to stop with the facade and BE HONEST!!! That is how you heal. You get real and HEAL.
I welcome comments that don't agree with me (just putting that out there), but I hope that we can all come together and try our best to see that we are all broken, we all need Jesus, and sanctification is a life-long process. Not Salvation, that's done, but growing/learning/understanding...that takes a lifetime.
Love you, girl! Ramble on here ANY TIME!
I love your random writings - so honest and pure!
ReplyDelete"...my heart is 100% into my job(s), and I'll keep on keeping on until I completely give out. Not because I have something to prove, but because it's my calling. It's what I love. It's why I get up in the morning." - girl you nailed it with this one. It is why God created us and when we live for Him this is how we live.
Thank you, Amy. I don't take home schooling for granted. I praise my Daddy for the privilege and honor of raising my kids at home. He put that in my heart and then provided a way. I just love that he cares so deeply. He always pulls me through the sick days, even when I doubt.
DeleteLove you!