Changing it Up

I had plans to update...really! Then I got sick. The worst of it is that I'm on day 31 of a migraine (not a headache...a migraine), and I haven't felt like typing, or even talking in complete sentences. I'd go into all of the details, but let's make this easy and say it's been awful. Truly awful. The worst part is that I don't know if this headache is ever going to go away, or remain chronic. With me, things tend to go chronic. This is a bummer because migraines don't mix with homeschooling.

 HOWEVER...

I'm no quitter, so my head best choke down that little piece of information right now. School will commence after our little break, though I am thinking we are going to need to change some things to fit our newest circumstances. That's the beauty of homeschooling. You make it work for you, you don't work for it.

Now, on to what I've been thinking about way before the migraine hit: this blog. I've been toying with the idea of changing the theme. Most of my readers have asked that I keep it a homeschooling blog, which is flattering (*smile*), but I don't usually find myself wanting to write about that. While it's true that homeschooling is my one of my passions, my job, and my joy, it's not what I want to blog about. There are many reasons for this, including the fact that there are countless homeschooling sites far more capable of offering savvy, helpful advice than I. There are definitely ones which are more reliable about updating posts, pics, and ideas.  I'm positive you will find many that will unravel your deepest questions about organization and schedules. Mine will never fit those molds, because my life is never predictable...ever. When you have a chronic illness, you don't make schedules, you roll with the punches. I don't feel most of my audience can relate to my non-scheduled-homeschool-constantly-in-the-doctor's-office life. I pray you don't!  So here I am, a flat tired, always sick homeschool mom, who needs/wants to write about her daily life. This is where my writer's block and lack of blogging passion is coming from. I've been squelching those topics. My life revolves around whatever the day brings, and I'd like to put that into words. I'd like to write about my struggles and how I've dealt with them. I'd like to tell you about what God is doing through these struggles, because I have a feeling that there are others like me. People who don't want to climb out of bed 99% of the time, but do because they are fighters. Because they know that God has a plan for that day...

...that day.

Who knows what the next day will bring? But that day, well God has a plan and we don't want to miss out, so we roll out of bed. We drink our coffee (if we can stomach it), we get dressed (unless we can stay home and be comfy), we listen to music (if our heads don't hurt too much), we smile (though we often don't feel like it), we patiently listen to "you don't look sick" (while we are crying on the inside). We try to respond patiently to, "Yeah I had that once, it was awful," or, "I wish I could lose weight that easily," or "It's nice to see how well you are finally doing" (when you are barely holding your head up).

One.

Day.

At.

A.

Time.

I have a feeling I'm not alone. 

I have a feeling there are others suffering from silent, unnamed (most of the time), horrific illnesses. People who are suffering from physical pain, as well as the prejudice that is a part of the package.

If you don't look sick, you will rarely be taken seriously...

...but I will take you seriously,

...because I know. I know the looks. I know how that doctor judged you. I know the feeling of failed tests. I know what it's like to worry that you won't make it long enough to take care of your family. I know what it's like to wrestle with the thoughts that you are a chronic failure.

A chronic burden. 

I know what that's like. I know you rarely sleep through the night. Or eat real food. Or have a pain free day. I know how tired you are, lonely you are, afraid you are, and how you want to give up sometimes.

This is where my passion for writing lies. It lies with those who are suffering silently. It lies with my family, who feels helpless. With friends who care, though they might not fully understand, yet patiently love those who are struggling anyway. Who love me.

More than anything, my heart lies with my God, Who never fails. Who never leaves, and Who always pulls me through each day.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:25-26)

 

Yes, homeschooling is a huge part of my life, but it's not where my writing passion lies. I do want to share about it from time to time, but mostly...

I want to reach out to those suffering, because this is the table that has been set before me. And nobody wants to "eat" alone.

Nobody should ever have to eat alone. 

So, be looking for some changes. I hope that I don't lose any readers, but if I do, I understand. If you'd like some homeschool blog references, I'll be happy to share. There is so much wisdom out there! As far as Flat (Tired) goes, it's going to be a lot more eclectic now.

A few subjects you will be seeing: Bible/devotionals, chronic illness posts, homeschool, books, recipes/gluten free baking, gardening, orphan/trafficking advocating, poetry, stories, humor, photos, vacations, good days/bad days, cats, embroidering, make-up (girl stuff), shopping, art, and whatever else strikes my fancy. Or your fancy (throw out a topic!). I'm going to let you know upfront: Chronic illness might be my hottest topic.

For all of my Facebook friends (many who also know me in real life), I say a hearty, "THANK YOU!". You've put up with all of my griping, moaning, and whining. You've lifted me up more times than I can count, and prayed for me when I needed it the most. For my new friends on Instagram...THANK YOU! I've found you to be such an encouragement. Many of you are also struggling with similar health problems (silent/invisible health problems). I've watched your lives in photos. I see how beautiful you are. I see how healthy you look. I see how you are trying to do your best. I understand your pain and struggles. I love knowing I'm not alone, and I hope you know...

...you are not alone either.


Cheering you on & checking the fuel gauge,
Layla

P.S. I have another blog (my favorite one) that I desperately need to update. I've had a hard time doing that, as what I wrote last time is still what's on my heart. Maybe it will help you in some way? Maybe you can relate? There is always something hallowed in the hollow.